The secret keeper

Let Me Breathe
The Hours

Do you think I am made of stone?
Cold and unfeeling
Where all the pieces of my heart
You have been stealing

I have to tell you just how I feel
Without some sugar coating
Are you so blind that you cannot see
that I am suffocating

Oh yeah

So Let me breathe

Oh ohh
I have to live

Although it hurts me to confess
I can’t stop myself from thinking
Its better to jump overboard
before this ship starts sinking

Would you please give me some air?
And Let me breathe

Oh Ooh
I have to live

I need to save some time for myself
and leave behind

I want to shine over time

Like just exist

Won’t you please give me some air?
And Let me breathe
Oh Ooh
I have to live

I need to save some time for myself
and leave behind
I want to shine over time
like just exist

My roses come free

Listening to: Jackie Wilson
“Everyday that you’ve been gone away you’ll know why my heart does nothing but burn, crying.”

Ah, Valentines.

The above is part of a series of anti-Valentine statement tees from StyleList Fashion Blog and if you’ve heard me dribble mindlessly about its current commercial value and how it has been become a money making propaganda for a lot of companies causing me to firmly believe in not subscribing to it, it’s okay, I just woke up from a two hour afternoon nap and I’m not feeling alert enough for commercial bashing.

(Actually I’m feeling very guilty because I had a heavy late breakfast and this is a cardinal rule if you’re planning to have an afternoon nap – nevernevernever on a full stomach, ESPECIALLY not after rice! and I’m eating a fruit salad now in an attempt to ease the guilt.)

Hence we took all these things into account (economic downturn, roses you can practically buy with the downpayment of a house, expensive Hallmark cards) and made an informed (albeit lazy) decision as a couple and brought a whole lot of take out and frappucinos back to the house and pigged out in front of Rush Hour 1 & 2 in ratty shorts and uncombed hair.

(Because can you believe it I’ve never seen any of the trilogy until this year when Rush Hour 3 aired on cable and it freaked me out – it was hilarious!)

So yes, it was lazily planned and executed but as the boyfriend said, I mean I don’t care how or where we celebrate it, I just want to spend time with you.

Aih, I don’t ask for Shakesperean sonnets but these are like Barathian haikus or whatever that he spouts every once in a while when I’m not nagging him to assure me that he’s listening to me go on and on about whatever political issue is festering.

Because as much as I nag and act all nonchalant (it’s a huge character flaw I know), I do love him intensely.

So yes, Happy Valentine’s Day you guys. Remember it’s all about the love and if you couldn’t be with your loved ones for some reason, love shouldn’t just be a one day celebration. We have 364 other days in which to show the ones we love the way we really feel. And money should not be the only way to do it.

And as my friend Cheryl so eloquently put it once, there’s so much hatred and suffering in the world that any day to celebrate love is greatly welcomed!

77 times 7

Listening to: The Perishers
“I choose to be my own.”
Currently Reading: The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

I wrote an entire post filled with pretentious bullshit, published it and then deleted it.

I was watching Ugly Betty and girlfriend can sure be feisty!

She is so honest sometimes that it makes me a little jealous. I mean, to be self-assured enough to open your mouth and tell someone exactly when they’re stepping over your toes without worrying about how it would make them feel. I mean if you think about it logically, why should we be concerned about how they feel when we’re just telling them oi, get off my foot, I’m in pain!

Versus the silent, oh shit, should I tell them they’re standing on my toes? Maybe he’ll notice in time. Oh wait never mind, I don’t want to offend them, I’ll just bear the pain, oh fuck it hurts.

If life is for the living, shouldn’t we just live instead of always doing it enshrouded in a cloak of fear and uncertainty?

Christ said, love your neighbours unconditionally. Forgive them, He said. How many times must I forgive them, his disciples asked, seven times? And He said, Seventy times seven times.

In Israel, the number seven means totality. In essence this means, we must forgive, totally and without condition, no matter what it takes and how many times it is required of us. If forgiveness is sincerely sought, we should not keep that request ungranted, lest we ourselves do not receive pardon from God for our own sins.

So the term forgiveness I understand but does that include taking a back seat to everything? Keeping silent no matter the cost? What if our dignity was at stake? What about our faith? Jesus always stood up for injustice, He spoke both boldly and righteously against the many sins of humanity.

I admit, I find it easier to gossip about a person’s faults rather than face them head on but clearly I should be taking a page of out the Bible and either stand up and say something or choose not to say anything at all. It’s easy to be a coward and suffer in self-misery, it takes pure guts to tell the truth and face the consequences.

For Jesus, the consequence was, well the cross.
And even on that cross He didn’t hold back, Father forgive them for they know not what they do, He said.

Jesus never held back, He gave freely and completely of his love and forgiveness and courage. And we, how petty we can be with what matters, our love and compliments and truth. Such misers, when all is given to us in abundance. And indeed, we should give and give all the more.

Luke 6:38 (New International Version)

38 Give, and it will be given to you. In good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

I don’t quite know how to end after that.

Of conversation and metal

Listening to: The Fray
“They say the best way out, is through.”

In keeping with a resolution I made not too long, I have pledged to broaden my musical, creative and intellectual knowledge by reading a new book of any genre a month (and by new I mean, previously unread) and exploring different alternative music at least fortnightly.

In order to remain unbiased and to withdraw from making the same stilted choices (i.e. by always picking chick literature or listening to the Foo Fighters) I have resolved to pick an artist randomly and with no regard for music type, and to pick books not just based on what I know I would enjoy but by what I can potentially learn from it.

Currently, I am attempting a read of Edward Bono’s How to Have A Beautiful Mind.

Now I have never heard of this man but he is apparently a bestselling author of two other books that encourage and herald creativity, Lateral Thinking and Six Thinking Hats.

I seldom read self-help books but this one caught my attention because of his introduction of what a beautiful mind is. The following is just a part of that introduction.

“Beauty is something that can be appreciated by others…The beauty of your mind should show in your conversation. Just as people can look at your physical beauty they can listen to the beauty of your mind.

It is not a matter of innate intelligence or great knowledge. It is how you use your mind that matters. That is exactly what this book is about.”

The man speaks a truth that society rarely acknowledges. We are entirely ready to enhance our physical beauty and fitness, we barrel through every conversation with our tired opinions and overused arguments that we tend to lose sight of the fine art of conversation. For people to listen to you is one thing, to be able to say something and have them sit up and hear you, is another.

I am barely halfway through the book and though some of the earlier chapters tend to be a little repetitive, it does drive his key points home. Some of his key chapters are How to Respond, How to Differ, How to be Interesting, Opinions, Attitude and How to Listen.

You might be interested in this book if learning the art of conversation and expand your creativity is right up your alley.

Although I have such a short attention span that if this one doesn’t grab my attention automatically I mught just revert to another book.

Anyhoo lunch time!

Humanoid (updated)

Listeningto: Jimi Hendrix
“There’s nothing left to greet me here but the velvet moon.”

I didn’t know I would enjoy Theory of a Deadman as much as I have.

I wish this wasn’t as random as it is but I just needed to write something and I figure, this is my domain so who cares right?

Ever since the rapid fraying of my Levi’s in the most indiscrete of places (I.E. IN BETWEEN MY LEGS) I have spoken to some people and found out that I am not the only person that happens to own Levi’s with this deteriorating pattern. Apparently they meet their demise in the most embarassing of places, not even like way down in the kneecap areas but like, thighs, hips and butts.

You would think that spending RM300+ on jeans would ensure that that is exactly what would not happen. You would think.

Oh and I watched two movies in two days – Underworld : Rise of the Lycans and Bride Wars.

Much to my amazement, not being an Underworld fan, since I only watched the first one to watch Wentworth Miller cameo in a very small role (he played a Doctor Adam Lockwood, omg so cute) that lasted for like ten minutes, I am not very well versed in the Underworld history.

Before watching the third installment, which was actually a prequel, the only thing I knew about the Underworld series was that there were vampires constantly battling werewolves and that Kate Beckinsale looks pretty hot in leather suits. ROTL was a tale of the the first Lycan, Lucien and his forbidden relationship with Sonya, the daughter of the head vampire baddie, Viktor and the ensuing rebellion of the Lycans against the vampires.

The story I thought tied in well with the first and second Underworld movies so it was way better than I expected considering my boyfriend and brother dragged me to it.

Bride Wars was another great movie about two best friends who have always dreamed of having June weddings at the Plaza and being each other’s maid of honors until by a stroke of bad luck, their weddings are scheduled on the same day and then it’s an all out battle to sabotage each other. In the hands of Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway, the roles were handled very well and no one can doubt their comedic talent. Kate Hudson’s, Liv, had me howling in my seat and barring the fact that you can totally tell what’s going to happen, I enjoyed it. True, it’s a chick flick and a lot of people are gonna hate it on that account but can I say, that that Vera Wang wedding dress (courtesy of the photo gallery from the Bride Wars Facebook account)

was BEAUTIFUL.

Sigh. Now which girl wouldn’t want to get married JUST to wear THAT dress?

Snake and ladders

I went out on a date with the boyfriend the other day, we’ve been together for awhile so I’ve lost count of the number of dates we’ve been on but for the first time in a long time, it felt like a first date. It was so wonderfully uncomplicated and sixteenish. For lack of anywhere better to eat and his sudden craving for a Colonel burger we hit a KFC and then went to Starbucks where we shared a vanilla cream and played snake and ladders on a compendium board.

And then he annihilated me on the checkers board, which contrary to S&L I could not, for the life of me, remember how to play! Although I should say the second time around I made some moves that even he had to admit was brilliant. Hohoho!

Anyway, felt nice to feel sixteen (although I am far from it), for awhile anyway.