Fester

So.
I have done it.

I handed up my thesis just twenty minutes ago.

I worked more than my ass off this year but I don’t know whether that will reflect in my thesis. I really hope it will but maybe it won’t. Maybe it will look like a half-arsed attempt of something that was completed at the eleventh hour. Like kiddie play, not the honours thesis it is supposed to be. Not good enough.

And this is not me being dramatic. I am just laying out all my fears right here and now to be done with it.

My head is going to explode with all the mini details that I may have left out or misspelt or unformatted or fucked up.

I don’t know anymore.

Except that it’s done.

So the ball is in God’s court now.

Good thing too, ’cause I feel like I’m gonna go throw up.

Roman candles

Hola hola!

So I was all set to write a new List since there are a few men I plan to bump of my old one but my super comes in and tells me I have to hand in a first draft of my thesis tomorrow and all I have are a few chapters barely held together by a running (more like wheezing) theme. So the list will have to wait. There are however several things I am happy to report.

1. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are BACK TOGETHER again. Yoohoooo!
And as an aside, I didn’t think it was possible but I have now found THREE PEOPLE who do not like Friends. To whom I say, just try watching a few episodes and you’ll see that you need to understand the characters before you get the relevance of some of their jokes. Friends is golden, I can watch any rerun at any time and never get bored – how often does a series that classic come along?

My mother is a prime example. Ten years ago she forbade us from watching Friends because I was 13 and some of their jokes may have been a bit raunchy (yeah, I’m sure!) and she was afraid I would get influenced (or whatever). Fast forward five years later and she was a changed woman and proud owner of the entire DVD collection. Now that’s a convert and if Friends could change my mother, it can change anyone

2. Moving on. I finished, by the whole grace of God, my oral presentation yesterday and am now one step closer to finishing my honours project. Never thought I would get here but here I am. Whoopie to me.

3. Erm…? Well, turns out there’s not enough going on that makes it to three but I can say I am desperate to finish this off well and then play drunken Taboo or a road trip revolving entirely around food or something. Whatever works, call me, I’m there

I’ll see you guys once I send off the first draft of my thesis.
Hope all is going well with you.

p.s. Christmas is cominggggggggggggggg!

That Hot Guy In The Movie

I know I know, I should be more concerned about the fact that I have a presentation on Wednesday, a thesis due in a week and a half and that I still have more writing left to do. But I’m here at work on a Sunday, aren’t I? So I can afford to indulge myself a little with something useless.

Yesterday I saw this guy whom I used to think when I was younger was the hottest thing since sliced bread. Obviously, since I was younger I used to pretend that I didn’t even notice him and that he was no big deal, yadda yadda yadda. But of course inside, I would be a bundle of nerves and try to act all cool around him. (Note: he didn’t go to our high school or church, in case you’re all wondering who he was.) Anyway I didn’t see him again after that for many years so in my mind he remained this awesomely hot mysterious quiet
guy – a mental image that didn’t change.

Until yesterday when I saw him again and I barely even remembered him. I just saw him and thought, hmm, he looks familiar. And then I remembered who he was. And ladies and g’s, I barely noticed him, he was no longer the hottie he once was. Sigh, it didn’t even matter that he had a girlfriend on his arm. And of course, I had to be wearing my old faded jeans and my hair was in a million knots and I had my glasses on, but it seriously didn’t matter anymore. It was quite disappointing.

So that’s the second guy who I have seen again just recently after all those years of thinking they were oh so hot when it turns out, they’re really not all that great.

Either I was totally deluded when I was younger or guys that peaked in high school sort of drift away after a bit. Or maybe I’ve just grown up and I tend to favor ‘charisma’ more over ‘cute’. Either way, I still look like I’m twenty no matter how much I’ve tried to mature it up so maybe the notion of people growing hotter as they grow up is just in the movies.

Damn that Ugly Betty – she gets some serious game AND she works for Daniel Meade.

Tsk tsk – all in the movies.

And btw, is it wrong that I find Henry Chan from the Amazing Race Asia totally attractive?

Feathers and Foam

Read on but judge at your own peril.

Sent at 7:25 AM on Friday:

me: hey i have another pic for u to feel better
http://simplyfelicious.wordpress.com/2007/08/01/wwm/
haih, my mornng coffee substitute

Anisha: AHAHAHAh…yes, wwm schmeared on a bagel and enjoyed for brekkie….

me: i would eat him up. seriously i would

Anisha: the brekkies of champions and desperate females the world over!

me: i couldnt ctrl myself if i saw him, i swear!
Anisha: hahaha, me either!
me: haih! he makes me go nuts! such a hottie – if he’s gay i just might give up all faith in hot men

Anisha: HE
IS
NOT

GAY

stop saying that!

me: yes HE ISNT i bet you he’s isnt with anyone cuz he’s waiting for me…baby, ill wait for u too..

Anisha: HAHAHAHAAH
me: baby baby baby. What a hottie! DAMNIT I swwon everytime
*swoon*

i cant even type straight, am i a loser or what?

tats the effect his hotness has on me – makes me more loser’ish than usual

Anisha: hahah – it’s okay, i am not one to judge
me: …u should say – NO FELICIA, you are NOT a loser. His hotness makes me a loser too…. be a good friend

Anisha: HAHAHA
me: come on come on, im waiting for u to say the words

Anisha: NO FELICIA his hotness makes me a loser too – happy, now?

me: no. i dun sense ur conviction
Anisha:i’m a blithering idiot everytime i flick past a picture of him
me: more more…ur getting there
Anisha: hahaha…are u just trying to make u’rself feel better….

me: that, and i wanna hear u loser urself a bit too – losers of a feather and all tat
Anisha: need i remind u of ALL them hours spent on the net at 3am googling and googling his sexiness?
me: OH

Anisha: actions speak louder than words, do they not? HAHAH

me: YA i remember, and channing tatum’s ASS – Hohoho, what a fine ass

Anisha: AHAHAHA, i KNOW..Ohmigosh

me: YA – a bunch of perverts WE are

Anisha: HAHAHHA – haih….i have to work, i have a discussion to churn out today

me: oh okok sorry, I just needed a little morning wenty. you KNOW – like a Starbucks’ Venti but a Wenti
Anisha: yes i do indeed…HAHAHAHAHA

Lol and by the way some guy almost lost his penis while humping a steel bench.
The add hyperlink button is refusing to work but by all means - http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/

I don’t get men.
They refuse to ask for directions, but this they do.

Have a good Friday everyone

What’s The Juice?

Dear diary,

Did you hear? Felicia was in the BEST MOOD this morning!

No, seriously! She walked into work this morning HUMMING and everything! She had gotten her hair cut, her eyebrows didn’t look as though it had rodents living beneath it, her nails were clean and her shoes matched! And I’m PRETTY sure she didn’t have any breakfast food sticking to her shirt this morning.

And she laughed for real today, did you know? Not the fake, cynical stuff she’s been sprouting on and off lately. This was full on hearty laughter. It was sort of annoying, ’cause she kept doing it like, a lot.

Every.chance.she.got.

But it was clear she had something off her chest and I guess, we can’t grudge her that, as completely annoying as she was.

And, OMG, she began S.I.N.G.I.N.G. in her cubicle. Not just HUMMING but open-mouth-vocal-chords-vibrating-melody-coming-out singing

I would have been HIGHLY embarassed if I were her, but she didn’t seem to care much

Loser.

Oh, I can’t let my entire diary post be about her.

Jared Padalacki is oh so dreamy, if he came up to me in a crowded room, I would totally not hesitate to give him my number.
And more.

XOXO,
Me.

Lower me down

Listening to: James Morrison
“When you’re lost and alone, guess you think it was the last place you come back for more.”

Who would have thought this day would come so soon? The day when I wake up and realize it’s going to be almost over. And that once again I will soon stand at a crossroads and ask God what He wants me to do next with barely an idea of what He expects of me. I think I may have made the mistake of telling too many people too many different things of what my plans are because I myself am unsure and maybe telling them those things would have made them get off my back. Call it lying, but I call it stalling in the name of peace.

So yes, I am almost done and yet it seems much too far away. Most mornings I still wake up with a sick feeling in my mouth and I force myself out of bed. Other mornings I wake up without a thought in my head. But it’s a rare weekday that I wake up and tell myself I can’t wait to jump on out of bed and get to work. Maybe it’s because I’ve been doing this for much too long without a holiday to speak off. Just a few sick days and it’s been back to work, Monday to Saturday.

It’s gotten better though, I now don’t kill myself with guilt if I have to walk out at 6.30pm and all eyes are on me. I just pick up my bag, turn off my PC and walk out without so much as a glance back lest I turn into a pillar of salt. Thick skins are a necessary commodity, I think.

It’s not as bad as I make it out to be, the fact that I moved back home to do my honours is something I will not regret because having family and friends to buffer me through this entire process has proven invaluable. I have learned that despite everything I have feared, I have been forced to face each and every single fear, and have learned to handle it quite adeptly, I have learned to do things I would never have known I was capable of. Of course this is purely God’s grace because on my own, I am a stumbling oaf, but with His hand guiding me, I am made somewhat competent, if not more.

So I do not fear the panel or my committee of judges. As far as I am concerned, I worked my ass of this entire year and I have done every single thing within the time afforded me. Forget politics or petty details, I may feel alone but the one fundamental fact of life is that, the nearness of God should not be a feeling, it should be a fact. Something you belief despite what you think you cannot see. There is much that the human eye is unable to see and a lot of the times we make the mistake of pinning what we feel on what we can see but once we begin to trust, we realize we can hold on much tighter than we imagined. Like air, you can’t see it’s there but because you know better you don’t walk around afraid you will be unable to breathe if you decided to inhale.

Like someone once said, You don’t know God is all you need, until God is all you’ve got.

Somehow, and DESPITE myself, He has pulled me through.

While I dragged my feet and curled up in a fetal position and would not budge, He pulled me up and pulled me along until I could will myself to start walking on my own. And every day that I drag myself out of bed, it is only because He is gently nudging me out as well. There’s a reason I’m here. I am right where I am meant to be despite what I may feel. I know, I am where I am supposed to be. Faith is the opposite of ’seeing is believing’. It is believing despite not seeing.

Or something a bit more profound than I am able to elocute.