The Unbreakable Tour

Listening to: Matt White – Anybody Else
  “Didn’t mean to play with your head.”

This is gonna sound reallly uncool but

OMG THEY WERE THE AWESOMEST I HAVE EVER SEEN THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sure there was some lightning and thunderstorms in the beginning, and it took me about 20 minutes to get from Monash to Sunway Pyramid when it’s like a 5 minute drive and sure I had to wait like one and a half hours for our tickets but

OMG IT WAS SOooooooooooooooooooo TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!

BSB still got it going on, I am quite happy to say. They did the whole shebang; songs from both current and past albums, the chair routine, the sitting at table playing poker and singing bit, the whole dramatic chest grabbing synchronized movements (which sounds totallly cheesy if you weren’t there but my 12 year old self LOVED it), solo bits, a bit of pelvic grabbing ala Michael Jackson, kidding around, top hat twirling – and all of it live.

I don’t think their talent has aged even a bit although their fan base definitely has. Three quarters of their audience probably discovered them when they were in primary school (i.e. me) about a decade ago and sort of grew up with them. Plus the whole beach concert concept was pretty cool.

The audience definitely knew the words to almost every old song – I know I sang at the top of my voice (and very out of key because I could barely hear myself) to almost every song.  In the middle of it all, some chick tapped me on the shoulder and yelled at me, “I thought there were 5 of them?” she asked.

Hahaha, halfway through the show. Wouldn’t have been funny if she had come all the way out to see Kevin? 

I got a crook in my neck as I strained to catch every single one of them in action at every moment in time and this is Another Con To Being Short. You get one big haired guy or some idiot sitting on the shoulders of their boyfriends right in front of you and you got problems.  But as the show went along a lot of people shifted around and I soon found myself with a clear view and stubbornly stood there for the rest of the night.

They were awesome.
Best RM88 I have ever spent that’s for sure. At one point I realised that I was standing with my hands clasped together like a prayer singing “All I Have to Give.”

………………….

That’s how into it I was. If you have to say anything, you have to admit that these guys give it their all at a show. I know many many years ago I watched them live at Frankfurt (on disc of course) and remembered telling myself so many times that I one day wanted to be there watching them live. I’m so happy I got over myself and went last night.

Though I came back at midnight, partially deaf, with a sore body, sore throat, jammed memory card and had to wake up at 5:15 am this morning, it was so totally worth it. I cannot stop saying that enough.

They still got it man, even with one member less. Whatever else, they know how to entertain.
Heck, even a  bit of bum wiggling and cheeky smiles sent the audience, which were about a few hundred people strong, raving mad.

And I was finally at an age where I could watch them sanely enough with the just the right excitement without constantly killing myself with ideas of the best way in which I could catch a glimpse of them backstage or hijack their limo with them in it. Yeah, I had some serious issues growing up

Anyway, there was some drama at the escalators on the way back from the surf beach as can only happen in Malaysia. Some of the escalators were jamming or something because of the number of people on it so security had to get hordes of people to stop getting on until the rest had gotten off at the top, which in the confusion sort of translated to, get off get off now! to the people on the escalators, which turned into, run run!  cepat lari!! which led to packs of sweaty, paranoid people running down the escalators in the opposite direction… yeah… it was a bit hectic. I cannot italicize enough how amazing the entire episode was.

Forgot where our parking bay was and then after getting in and driving almost to the entrance forgot that we still had to pay our tickets… the things I do for them.

Anyway, all in all, twas a good night – one I will fondly remember but fortunately seeing as how I am now 22, not one I will tattoo willingly on my body as a memorial (which I would have done at 13 I bet).

Unbelievable

Listening to: Audioslave – Getaway Car
“I won’t hesitate to hit the highway before you lay me to waste.”

Okay I didn’t think I would be, but I’m starting to get excited about seeing BSB tomorrow. Whether it’s the excitement of finally seeing them (that would be my inner 12 year old speaking here) or that I’m looking forward to hanging out with my friends and living out what used to be our Biggest Dream or even the fact that they just may be that good, I’m kinda on tippy toes now. This is a text I sent to my friend this morning:

“Oi, I didnt think I would be but im kinda excited abt tmr..hope they sing a lot of old stuff.. “

To which she replied, “Ha ha me 2 babe me 2. Started getting excited bout 2days ago. I noe its their unbreakable tour but i hope they do more old stuff. After all they did say ‘As long as there’ll b music v’ll be comin back again’ “.

These are 22 year olds talking here, the same ones texting old lyrics to one another. We’ve started work, finished degrees, had long term relationships and had falling outs since then and yet, this inane glee at seeing them surpasses all of that.

Girls can be such geeks.

Indenial

Listening to: Tribute – Tenacious D
“We said nay, we are but men.”

Guess who I’m going to see live on Wednesday night?

My very first genuine knee knocking experience with boy bands started with these guys. I screamed and crooned and daydreamed my first fantasies with these honies. I was twelve years old and spent most of my time poring over their every article in those terribly cheesy teen mags that you pay like 30 bucks for to get a premium edition of their button badges or stickers. I knew their middle names, their birthdays, how they liked their ice creams and whether they prefer blondes or brunettes.

The Backstreet Boys.

Back when they were five boys strong and very much with the “you’re the one for me, you’re the one I need” accapella harmonies and rocking dance moves. I thought they were gods in their own right, I think every girl my age did. Except if you got swept up with the ‘NSync revolution. My dad used to annoy me so much by calling them Blue Arsed Boys. Whatever joke he was trying to make.

They were supposed to come quite a few times for a live gig. They never did, there was always something or other that came up. It was quite sad, I did everything I could to be as close to them as I could, I even went to see the infamous younger brother of the incorrigible Paris Hilton-dating Nick, Aaron Carter, when I was 13 (and he was like eight), …but let’s not talk about that shall we?

I wrote AJ a ” Your Number 1 Fan” letter when I was 14 and was quarantined in my bedroom with conjunctivitis; I never posted it but it’s still in my memory box, I’m willing to bet. We played various pranks on our friends that they had received autographed birthday cards from their favourite Boy, when all we had done was practice forging their signatures from an old tattered signed poster from their World Tour. We memorised every song, every rap, every interview…

Various boy bands with their 5 part harmonies and apple-cheeked naivete came and went but we were loyal for a very long time. I bought almost every album, and secretly harboured a hope that they would come back with something fresher, something more current. Meanwhile, we grew up, and so did they. They got married, went on Oprah, had kids – we moved on and got lives that did not revolve around the Boys who were named after a famous flea market growing up (or something).

They came back recently with a new album and one member less. All I know is they hadn’t changed much, they were much older but sung the same crooning music, same dramatic arm waving in their music videos. Most of their newer stuff just seemed to start with the words “In…” like Incomplete or Indescribable or something. I wonder why…

With a renewed interest in people like Audioslave, MCR, Jack Johnson, Amy Winehouse, Ben Harper, John Mayer and 3 Doors Down, I began to forget about the boys who was once able to floor me by doing complicated backflips and twirling a drumstick. We all have those artistes we keep locked up in a closet and are embarrassed to say we once loved and sang along to in the bathroom with a hair brush. I was way cooler and strictly alternative now, no more boy band crap…

…until a few days ago when Cheryl told me they were coming down for a gig on Wednesday. First I laughed it off thinking they were once a band I would have died to go see in the flesh and now here I was checking my schedule and being grateful I had more important things to do. Until I thought of how my inner 12 year old who had been craving for this moment all her life and never got it. If anything I had to do it for her. And mostly because, these are the Backstreet Boys. Though they are one less, I have always wanted to go see them, I had to do this to satisfy my curiosity if anything else.

And though I have no idea what every song on their new album is (mostly because I do not have it), I know this will be a sort of closure, plus if anything it will just be fun to hang out with girls who are now 22, almost ten years later, and recall what idiots we used to be.

I may even let a scream or two loose.
Who knows?

This week, the 12 year old Felicia gets a treat she never got to experience.
The 22 year old Felicia might as well join the wagon for a bit of fun.

Scathe

Listening to: Jamie Scott – Searching
     “I hold my head up to the sky.”

I just watched the sun peeking out from behind the clouds and within 3 minutes, it was fully out of the clouds proudly establishing its stance in the sky. Sometimes, it’s not the worse thing in the world to be one of the first people at work.

I have my first lab presentation tomorrow, like my first debut to the world since I began my Honours. And I know I’ve done this kind of thing like a gazillion times before but I have been known to speak like I was on speed whenever I get a bit nervous, which is normally in the first ten minutes of my presentation which pretty much obliterates any and all first impressions. What is worse is I don’t want to come across, not only as though I’m on a sugar rush, but as a total airhead hyped on sugar.

MAS – Miss Airhead on Speed. Not a good thing.
I shall need to practice speaking slooooowly.
And pray a lot.

By God’s grace I’ll come out the other side relatively unscathed. Although I can’t say the same for my lab mates.

Barracks

Listening to: Sarah McLachlan
      “You send your fears to me, silently stalking me; leave me be.”

Okay I was a bit hesitant to write about this because of how personal it may seem but I realised that it was websites like these that really helped me and so I wanted to be part of the support system to help someone else (if at all) because reading about it from others who went through it definitely played a huge role in allaying my fears and granting me comfort.

It’s a bit of a girlie issue so if you guys think it may be a bit TMI (too much information) then I suggest moving on, but you never know how this information may one day help your girlfriends or sisters – plus dissemination of knowledge is the healthiest form of communication so it never hurts to know a little bit about everything.

I’ve always had regular periods since I started getting them, it’s always come around 27 days and at one point I used to be able to accept them on the dot. This was a huge source of comfort to me because it starts to be something you begin to rely on and having always had a normal estrous cycle, though it may seem trivial, was something I was always grateful for. I was always under the impression that if you had an irregular period there were problems. This of course isn’t true as many women naturally have irregular periods or even those that come two months once, and as long as you consult a ob/gyn about it and it isn’t an issue, it is perfectly normal. Being a sort of control freak however, it assured me that this was constant along with everything else in my life.

Since I began studying overseas however, I realised that the huge transitions of coming back for holidays and then making the trips back, really began to mess up my periods. The last time I came back, the stress of having to go back for my final year, and supposedly my hardest one, stressed me out to the point that my period was delayed for 3 weeks. This was one of the few times I realised that your hormones could be effected by a variety of other things other than just pregnancy – stress was a huge problem for me growing up and I had learned to curb it but somewhere along the where it started becoming an issue and automatically it also affected my cycle.

This year, I went through a lot of physical and emotional changes. Dealing with uprooting and returning, the emotional stress of exams, not getting enough exercise, starting a new course in a new environment, a complete switch to long hours and not enough rest all contributed to my mental and emotional health and as usual, my periods were again affected. This time however, I missed an entire month and was well on my way to my second month. Knowing that it could not be a pregnancy, I knew it had to be stress but the funny thing about it is you have to be relaxed in order for your periods to go back to normal, but you can’t be when your period isn’t showing up.

Since my hormones were out of whack, including the ones that usually make women feel like women, I began to feel hugely unattractive and unfeminine; my self-esteem also suffered a huge blow. My biggest fear was that it would turn out to be some kind of tumor or ovarian cyst. These fears weighed me down and I suffered a long bout of depression. I was afraid to go to the doctors because this meant having to admit that something was wrong.

I began to take great efforts to relax, began doing lots (more than usual) of yoga to alleviate my stress. Lots of women swore by parsley in helping to ease the womb and bring on menstruation. So my mom began to brew parsley herbs in warm water, allowing to steep for half an hour and then straining it, adding a bit of honey for taste – which I would gulp down, anything to bring on my periods. I was in a constant state of suspense, constantly teetering between falling over the edge into stress and depression.

A little past my two month date and still no period, one evening I did a more strenous relaxing form of yoga for a complete hour. Took a long hot shower and drank my parsley tea and half an hour later, began spotting. That night, I slept more fully and completely than I had in weeks. My flow was normal and my self-esteem returned. That night I got on my knees and gave thanks to God for hearing my prayers and answering them, despite me having lost almost all hope.

Now, this may seem like an overdramatic reaction to late periods, but for someone who always marked her calendar 27 days once, this was a huge deviation and served as much source for discomfort and this, as I have found out from other women, is completely normal. Stress caused by emotional or mental trauma can deregulate your periods, so can a huge change in schedule (i.e. switching from short to long hours of work), losing or gaining more weight than normal and even can occur naturally when your body is “reprogramming” a switch of cycle for your hormones. All these things are normal in a young woman’s body and so is nothing to be worried about. Delaying your periods when you are highly stressed is your body’s way of ensuring that you do not conceive if it believes your are physically or emotionally incapable of nurturing a pregnancy at that time of your life. Once the stress is alleviated, more often than not, your hormone levels return to normal and you begin menstruating again.

Talk to an ob/gyn if you need comfort and he/she will run the normal tests to ensure you that there is nothing to be worried about. If anything, detecting it earlier rather than later, can help save your life, so either way there is nothing to fear.

I don’t know what it was that contributed directly to me getting my periods, but I think it was a combination of the things I spoke about above, governed by God’s loving hand that helped me the most. This taught me a huge lesson in patience and in taking care of myself. No matter what, work should always come second in priority to your health. Take the time to relax and exercise, have some “alone time” to talk to God, some “me time” to be calm and centred and talk to someone if you need to. Bottling things up never helps.

Okay I’m not sure about the best way to end this so I will just say, adieu and please feel free to leave a comment if you need to.

Muah!

Prayer iii

In thanksgiving for answering my prayer for a very dear personal intention.

Holy Spirit, you who make me see everything and show me the way to reach my ideal. You who give me the divine gift to forgive and forget the wrong that is done to me and who are in all instances of my life with me. I, in this short dialogue want to thank you for the everything and confirm once more that I never want to be separated from you no matter how great the material desires may be. I want to be with you and my loved ones in your perpetual glory. Amen.

Say this prayer 3 consecutive days without stating one’s wish. After the 3rd day, your wish will be granted no matter how difficult it may be. Promise to publish this once the prayer is granted.

Booyaa

My iPod shuffle started of with Matt Corby’s live rendition of Music of the Night from the Phantom of the Opera. Followed by Aretha Franklin.

I think it’s gonna be a good day for music.

Meanwhile it’s 8 am and so far I’ve written on a lot of Walls, done my blog rounds, played my turn in Scrabulous and checked my emails. I’ve run out of things to do.

So maybe I should start work then?
As an aside, I wonder if anyone even checks their Friendster profiles anymore? I know I haven’t signed in in about 95 years. Apparently they have applications too – peniru la.

Rise Up

Listening to: Stereophonics – Stole My Money Honey
                 “I get by fine without you.”

Funny how things can change within a few hours. At 7.30 this morning I was positively depressed, trudging my feet around wishing I could curl back in bed and let the days pass me by. Now, it almost seems handle-able.

I know lots of people have issues with their mothers. I know there are times when I wish she would just quit nagging so much and realise that I am 22 years old and am quite capable of taking care of myself. And then there are times when I realise that sometimes I need her to hold my hand and treat me like I am two years old. Despite the number of times I may kick and scream bloody murder and demand my independence, I know I would be crippled without my mother.

I don’t think I could ever grow old enough to not need my mother anymore.  
 

Redeemed

Listening to: Sarah McLachlan
           “The long awaited answer to a long and painful fight.”

Hard not to feel stressed when that is all you want to be.
Hard to have faith when you are sincerely running out.
Hard to be strong when you just want to give up.
Hard to want to curl up in bed and pull the covers over your head when there is yet so much to be done.

Father give me strength, for I have none of my own.

Digit

The mother of my future mice gave birth today to seven babies, you will not believe how proud I felt. They were newborn, the cutest reddest hairless little things I’ve ever seen, with barely developed brains and the biggest eyes in the world. You could fit one of them on the first section of your pinkie finger. Not your whole pinkie, one section. They’re teeeeny.

I could cry right now, I’m that over-emotional.

Now I know how my grandmother feels =)